Today I made a big mistake.
And that’s why TODAY, you are going to learn what to say when things don’t quite turn out as you’d intended.
Like me, when there was a bit of a disaster in the kitchen.
Did I burn anything? NO!
Did I undercook the food? NO!
Did I forget to turn on the oven? NO!
I didn’t do anything... I promise!
But I had to sort everything out.
Wash.
Clean.
Sweat.
It was such a HASSLE!
No, a DRAG!
Or a PAIN!
Or even a PAIN IN THE ASS!
But there is ONE thing it wasn’t.
And that is: a brownie
A what?
WHAT DO BROWNIES HAVE TO DO WITH ALL OF THIS?
When I first came to Spain, my new friends used to enjoy putting me on the spot by asking me to come up with English translations for the most difficult to explain local “expressions”. One of their particular favourites was “marrón”.
Which is just what my lunch disaster is. A big, fat, dirty... MARRÓN.
If your first language is Spanish, then you know exactly what a marrón is.
It’s a hassle.
No, a drag!!
Okay... you get the picture!
For non-Spanish speakers, the word marrón is nothing more than the colour brown.
And there is nothing inherently wrong with brown. It’s a bit boring and non-descript.
No reason to panic.
However, here in Spain, a “marrón” is something negative.
A problem.
Usually, a problem that you didn’t cause but that you have been chosen to sort out.
AGAINST YOUR WILL.
THAT kind of problem...
Apparently, at some point in the past, Spanish soldiers were given candied chestnuts or marrons glacés as a way to entice them into battle. And hence, a slang term was coined.
When the marrons were produced... any soldier worth his salt just knew.
“This isn’t going to end well”.
Or
“Why me?”
Or
“Mmmm. Delicious, almost as good as my Mum’s”
There were so many ways to interact with a marron. You could “have one”, “swallow one”, “eat one” or “pass one on to somebody else”. Whatever the case, they were a major INCONVENIENCE, and cursed by Spaniards right up to the present day.
But, when faced with the dilemma of how to translate this into English, I was suddenly stumped. Just HOW would a native English speaker translate the concept of a marron.
We can all learn from this.
Whatever our mother tongue.
So!
Let’s start with some verbs!
1. To take the rap
This has nothing to do with Jay Z, Drake or Eminem, and everything to do with accepting the blame for something. Eldest children know all about this. The eldest child always takes the rap for the actions of their younger siblings.
I feel your pain.
I AM one!
You take the rap when they flood the bathroom/house in general.
You take the rap when they break the neighbour’s window with a football.
You take the rap when they crash your dad’s car into a tree.
2. To draw the short straw
A straw is a thin, plastic, usually brightly coloured tube of plastic, used to suck a liquid from a glass or bottle. What does this have to with anything? Well, very little.
But, if you draw the short straw, then, sadly, you’ve been chosen to do something that nobody wants to do. Somebody else could have done this task, but no.
YOU have been chosen.
DAMN!
Bad luck!
Sorry about that!
3. To be the fall guy
Back in the 80s, when my 90-year-old grandfather used to babysit me, he allowed me to stay up to watch The Fall Guy, starring Lee Majors.
(Who?)
As an impressionable seven-year-old, the fall guy was a stuntman.
He was cool.
Several decades later, I now know that the fall guy is a SCAPEGOAT.
The person who unjustly gets blamed for something that went wrong... and wasn’t their fault.
And when things go wrong... as they often do, what do native people usually say?
If “people” are not very grandiloquent, and prefer short and snappy responses, they may use some choice four-letter words like:
F * * K !!!
S H * T !!!
or
D * * N !!!
Four letter words are fantastic.
They are a form of release.
You say what’s on your mind, quickly and very directly.
But... they are not always appropriate. You are never going to say f**k or sh*t to your boss or in a Parent –Teacher meeting.
Here are some expressions you can use when things don’t turn out quite as you wanted.
You will notice we use “What a...” in most of these examples, which is the most concise way of saying “This is very much a (word for an annoying situation).”
What a pain! (in the neck) (in the ass)
So! A pain.
A physical sensation, which is unpleasant.
It hurts.
Being blamed for something you didn’t do, hurts.
Being assigned a task that nobody else wants to do also hurts.
So, what better way to describe something that you don’t like, than What a pain!
You can accessorize the expression with different parts of the body to make it more emphatic:
What a pain in the neck!
What a pain in the ass! (this one is just a little bit more ‘vulgar’)
We also used what a headache as an alternative to what a pain.
What a drag!
Drag has become oddly trendy and, dare I say it, trendy, thanks to Ru Paul and her Drag Race. But, this is not the kind of “drag” we are talking about here. A drag is something that disrupts your favourite (not always legal) activities or is generally just requires you to make more of an effort than you’d like. That is never good. A drag is not Jackie Beat, Divine or Raven. That is a drag queen and that is never a drag, especially if you are Bob the Drag Queen.
What a mess! What a hassle!
A situation that is confusing or full of problems is a MESS.
The way we are treating refugee seekers is a mess.
The way that the Presidents of some nations behave is a MESS.
And any situation where you are the fall guy, take the rap or draw the short straw is a mess.
Or a hassle – which is another way to describe something which is going to cause difficulties, arguments and general discontent.
It’s so easy to say how annoying things are that I bet you’re just itching to get started!
Let’s hope that you don’t have too many opportunities to use them.
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